Leave Jose Bautista Alone All You Mean Blogger Dinks!

Alright, if you are a huge nerd, and spend half your day on sports websites reading all the rumors so you can feel way more intelligent / important then everyone else, because you know the real reason why Tiger Woods is tied for 1st at the Barclays today, (he's back on the whores), or why Brett Favre's wife might be really unhappy with him (apparently he sent a picture of his penis to a REALLY hot Jets reporter, most Favre fans are calling her the luckiest girl in the world), then you have heard all the stories going around with Blue Jays slugger Jose Bautista.

My problem with this is anybody can say anything now a days, and not face any repercussions, with the only reason for it being to further them career wise (more hits on their page, then they can say X amount of people read my site, I'm awesome!!), and wallet wise (X amount of people turns into X amount of ad money).



Case in point, my boy Jose Bautista. He spent the last couple of years floating around without any attention, or playing time really. Then he finally gets his big chance, Cito Gaston says "Yo Jose! You are playing full time, don't worry about playing time, you will be in there every day!!" All of a sudden, the pressure to play everyday is lifted and Jose is ready for launch (I know what this is like, I went through it with the Rhinos, it's totally true).

So the second this guy starts jacking bombs like like this guy , the word "steroids" starts getting thrown around. Lot's of websites are ripping on the rumor maker, Damien Cox of the Toronto Star, and I agree that this is some kind of bull shit, not to be confused with "Some Old Bullshit", I have talked to Damien a bunch of times during my time with the Drew Remenda Sports Show (Thanks for the HUGE shout out on the show on Wednesday Drew, I love you big guy, seriously the sexiest bald guy I know, I think I might start a rumor right now that we were lovers during the show, and that's how I got my air time. You think that would fly?"), and the guy has been nothing but awesome to me, but after reading about his greasiness, I have to wonder what the hell is up?

I don't agree at all with getting cheap hits on your blog by using keywords like "Jose Bautista and Steroids ", I mean, if you are going to do that just use words like "Hot Sluts Playing Video Games" you would have to be freaking crazy not to click on that right??? Or "Jessica Alba Panties Strip Dance Naked Sex Party" at least those are blatant attempts, that I understand, ( Man I hope that works out for my blog, for all the people that thought they were going to see that shit here, sorry, but thanks for stopping by! I am sure you will find Hot Sluts playing video games and Jessica Alba's pantie sex party somewhere on the net.) but to attack a guy that has finally got it all figured out, and is enjoying a career year is just brutal! At least let him enjoy the rest of the season, then if you really are that click hungry and have no soul, be a dick, and throw out a rumor with no substance or rhyme or reason, and get your cheap clicks!



I just think it's so sad that this has to happen. To me, this is like having the best day ever, you know, the usual best day type of stuff, found a 5 dollar bill on the street outside your house on your way to work, got the hot girl from the restaurant's number at lunch, as well as extra food with said lunch, got to leave work early, got home with a huge smile on your face, about to play some MLB 10 The Show, and then shit hits the fan.......... BOOM! Your PS3 doesn't work "shit, how am I supposed to play Boner Taster now (my pitchers name was Boner Taster).

"Oh well, I still had a great day, I better call that girl from the restaurant............ BOOM!! "Hello, thanks for calling Charlie's Dry Cleaning........" ..... "Shit, Shit!! She gave me a bogus number!!!" Then the phone rings BOOM!!..... brrring, brrring, "Hello!!" , "Hey Gary, it's work, get the hell back here, we need you right now!!" ...... "FAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!"

Then, of course, for the proverbial cherry on top, you stop to buy a drink on the way BACK to work, and then the clerk says "Sorry sir, this is a FAKE five dollar bill, we have been looking for you, you dirty counter fitter, your going to jail for a long time for counterfeiting!!" To which I would answer "Of course you have, well I better take some shit while I'm here!!" Then I would proceed to run out of the store with my arms full of Beef Jerky and G2s................... Wow, now THAT is whats happening to Jose Bautista. Everything was going soooooo good, then this jack ass comes out, and puts that steroid seed back into every one's head, and makes them think "Man, maybe he is juicing?? I was just starting to like him!"



So moral of this week's story, if you are going to start some Internet rumors for the sake of your own personal gain, don't be a dick! Life lesson in the form of an 1980's  Grand Master Flash Rhyme alert! "Think before you act, learn how to be empathetic, if you don't, man, that's just pathetic." I better patent that!

White Sun glassed Doucher Of The Week: This Guy!!
 

WOW, seriously, WOW!

Want to join one of them face book pages with more blogs and fun? Click the sexy man.

 
Almost at a Codeboner case, we will have to have a real blog party soon, with Codeboner buying the booze.
 
See you all next week.

Hung Over Blogs Are The Worst, Here's The Proof.

It's that time of year again. First of all, I just realized I HATE that saying. When I sit down to read an article, or a news story, and it begins with the saying "It's that time of year again. " I say "Nope, faaaaack that." , so I will understand if you just decided to click back, or surf to a different website, I deserve it.

If you are still with me, I also HATE the word "Party!", like if I am hanging out with a girl, let's say for the story's sake, she is super smoking hot, and she says " Gary, I really want to party right now!" The one and only acceptable response is "Well, that's it for me, and it really sucks that you talk like that, because you are definitely one fine piece of ace."

The only thing worse than those things, is seeing an "lol" on an email, and I imagine texts as well. I don't have one of them fancy texters that all the kids got nowadays, but I bet you it would still piss me right off.  If you are laughing at something that I wrote or said, then tell me "Hey man, that was really funny, I laughed so hard I pissed my pants, big time, piss everywhere!". That is sooo much better than an lol right?

See that? Rudy Gay is a great basketball player, but after seeing that, I'm thinking "Well, this guy is a bit of a loser, that sucks that I can't cheer for him anymore.

How about 2nd overall pick of the 2009 NBA draft, Hasheem Thabeet? All I can say "C'mon Man!" Is it weird that both of these guys play on the same team? Sure it is. Super weird, big time.

Even my boy T.O. is doing this. I love him to much to hate him, so I guess I will have to just say "I love you man, super lame with the LOL's but, I sill love you."

Can you believe this one??? Shaq Diesle, my boy, LOL'ing! Now I have seen it all. Seeing that is like finding out Paul Bunyan actually just sat around and knitted giant cardigans instead of chopping down trees...........and he was intimate with his blue cow. That is how I feel when I see such a giant in both the media, and in real life, lol'ing.

So I hope I got my point across, when guys use the term LOL at any time, not only is it weird, and lame, but it makes you look a real loser, just a heads up.

Speaking of real losers, I give you........

Our White Sunglasses Doucher Of The Week:

Seriously, this joke just writes itself, I mean, look at this guy! Could you look like any more of an assholey dickhead? Maybe if he was wearing a shirt that said LOL on it, I guess.

Got Blog Party?

I was at a stag last night for my very good friend Amery, and I was drunk, so now I am hungover. I hope you enjoyed this one, and Johnny Codeboner, thanks for playing poker with me and letting me win, you owe me 60 bucks, and another beer! Just a little reminder.

See you next week.

So Far, The Boys Have Passed With Flying Carpets, And Some Lando

Before we start, please be sure to click on the different coloured words to go see the hilarious links, because I just pee'd my pants, so you should all pee yours too, or as I like to say, do the Miles Davis.

How freaking exciting are the Toronto Blue Jays right now? If you answered more exciting than a double rainbow , you'd be absolutely correct! Now, first off,  nobody loves to say afuckingtotaso  more than I do, so in regards to JP Arencibia, afuckingtotaso.

Now everyone seemed to have given up on this kid after his less than stellar performance last year, which we can now obviously say was due to a battle with an astigmatism, that contacts, and glasses couldn't correct. So a nice little corrective surgery, and BOOM! 31 homeruns in AAA Vegas, BOOM! Two homeruns in his big league debut, along with a single and a double. Then BOOM, pie in the face, BOOM! Gatorade shower, BOOM! Water cooler shower, then BOOM! another pie in the face for good measure.

Talk about having fun! Every time I see things like this, all I can say is "look the fack out!" People take these displays one of two ways. It's either "They don't take the game seriously enough! All they do is fool around! Juveniles!" or you get this ol thang "They are too young to know about pressure, they're loose, they're having fun, they're like kids out there, playing the game the way it's ment to be played! "

This is a very young team that has bonded to become quite possibly the most exciting team to watch, in all of baseball. Even when they lose, it's tough to turn away!

Then along comes Brandon Morrow. The very next day, 17 strike outs, eight and two thirds of no hit ball, and if it wasn't for Arron Hill who missed a play he make 8 times out of 10, we could have had our SIXTH no hitter of the year. That was one of the most amazingly incredible pitching displays I have ever listened to. (I say listened, because I was passed out on my couch after a night of greasy Venning staggy-ness. I started my morning off by puking in a sink, soooooo, yeah.) For a quick funny recap of the game, click the word ZAZZ!

People that say the Jays are brutal, and are never going to win anything drive me crazy, like my gurl Britney Spears after she shaved her head.......... remember, with the umbrella, smashing cars and shit, (Not to be confused with my favorite Britney.....the vagina showing Britney, I bet I have probably shown my Britney by accident to one or two people over the years...... would that be called a Man Britney, or maybe a Mittney? No, Mittney would still work with the female more than male.......I am getting confused again!!) Where was I........ oh yea, people like my dad who say "The Jays suck and they arn't going anywhere!" That shit pisses me off.

Listen here DAAAAAAAD. They Jays don't suck, and while we're at it, I'm not cutting my hair, I like weeds on my lawn, they add character, and Ellinore (my puppy) is freaking beautiful and she will not ruin my house.

Whenever something really bothers me, so much so, that I think I am going to lose it I like to take a deep breath, and see how my argument would hold up in a court room. So, let's take a trip to the center of my ginormous brain, and see what this trial would look like.

*** Cue Wayne's World Dream Sequence ***


"Welcome to Sports Court bitches, I 'm Judge Lando Calrissian." (I guess my brain thinks Billy Dee Williams would be a great judge! He ran Cloud City pretty well, except for the whole double crossing deal, but he made up for that, and he did save the city. )

"We will now look at the case of the Blue Jay bashing haters, versus a guy that I would definitly hang out with, because he is definitely as cool as me, Gary."

"Alright haters, please present your case baby."

"Well the Blue Jays suck! They have since 1993, and will continue to suck, because that's what they do, they just suck big time, super brutal, I hate em.

Judge Lando - "Well......... that was interesting..... ok Gary, you look really good today by the way, be sure to call me after the trial so we can go to the Mos Eisley Cantina for a Colt 45 and sweet alien trim. Defend your Blue Jays."

"Thank you your Highness. So now that the young guys are coming together, I think it is safe to say that GM Alex Anthopoulos has this team on the up and up, big time! If you don't believe me, I give you some examples:

A - The Brendan Morrow Trade - Morrow is turning in to a top of the rotation starter, and all AA gave up was reliever Brandon League, and a minor league catcher. Seriously, awesome.

B - Fred Lewis - For a player to be named later..... awesomer! Can you believe that Lando?!

C- Yunel Escobar - For an old shortstop, that was not going to be here next year, gotta love that.

D - Minor League Depth - The Jays have a shit load of talent in the Minors, including Kyle Drabek, Chad Jenkins, and Zach Stewart who are all expected to compete for starting jobs in the near future, as well as Adeiny Hechavarria, and Anthony Gose.

Judge Lando - "Well Gary, way to show those haters wrong, I am very proud of you, not only do you win this trial, but you also won the right to call me a big fan of yours. But keep your dirty hands off the Millenium Falcon, I lost her once, not gonna let that shit go down again, ya digg? (Apparently my brain is permanently set to the time frame of just after Han got frozen in carbonite, and Lando got his sweet whip back."

So there you go, that's what it's like inside my brain all the time. I know, pretty sweet eh? Go Jays.



Just a totally random thought of the week for you:

Do you know what really blew my mind out of that crazy Morrow game? No one made the comment of how Dewayne Wise came in for Vernon Wells after he made that huge catch and dislocated his toe. Remember the last time Dewayne Wise came in to a game late, to play center field? Mark Buerle's no hitter? Remember the catch he made? I was waiting, and waiting and waiting for someone to comment on that, but no one ever did! That really seems like something that all the sports networks would be overplaying the crap out of.



White Sunglass Douchy-ness of the week goes to: Loggy!

Finally, some crazy Parkour action that I saw on Jimmy Traina's Hot Clicks Blog.

Then that reminded me of this hil-ar-i-us-ness.

Want to join the blog party? Head on over to blog party central, it's good times, as far as blog parties go.

Ring it up Codeboner!

Coming Up On Friday

The ridiculously hot Toronto Blue Jays will be the topic of choice, along with some fun links, and a little something for the ladies! Codeboner, chalk up another one baby! We might have to have a Codeboner beer night soon, everyone's invited!

Click the boys, for some heavy f*cking metal!

What The F*ck Is Juice??? Give Me That Grape Drink Baby!!

So one thing that I have really been wanting to talk about since Rawlco decided I was to racey for News Talk, was former Raider's quarterback Jamarcus Russell getting busted with Purple Drank. (Click the pic for the full info.)

First off, what the hell is Purple Drank? I asked a bunch of my friends (ok, random people, they told me to frig off!), and no one knew. There were alot of people who thought I was talking about this stuff.

My curiosity grew, and then I started to put the pieces together. Let me take you back to the first time I had heard of the sizzurp.

The radio station I work at has a shit load of CD's that get sent in every day, and they usually just end up lying around the station. For example, there is a Saharaha cd (I have no clue who the fack they are either!) in the kitchen right now, the nerd herd has a Toronto cd in their office, that has been in there for the last year and my boy Tim Stone has Gold Frapp's album Head First in his office. Point being, there are wierd, totally random cd's all over the place here.

So imagine my delight one fine afternoon, while feeling quite thuggy, when I went into the kitchen to make some Green Tea, (my body needs a lot of antioxidizing!) and I found a Three 6 Mafia CD, The Most Known Unkowns.

"This is awesome! I can totally get my thug on with this shit!" I said, as I popped my collar, which I have been doing ever since I can remember!  (Not really, I hate popped collars, and the losers that do it, not to mention guys with white sunglasses, stop being such douches!)

Anyways, I took that shit home, and played the hell out of it. One song on there was called Swervin.

After I heard it, I was wondering what the hell purple stuff was? These guys have no problems rapping about coke and weed and all that jazz, so I just assumed it was some sort of crazy drug, and i guess, in a way, I was right.

Getting back on track, I have many questions that I have been searching for answers to over my lifetime, but the mystery of the Purple Drank, thanks to my boy Jamarcus Russell, was finally solved.

After J-Russ got busted, a bunch of articles came out about how he was busted with Codeine Cough Syrup (which is a banned substance in the NFL's eyes), so I thought "What on earth is Jamarcus doing with all that cough syrup, he must get sick lots!"  Then the articles went on to talk about what the cough syrup was used for.

Now kids, I do not condone trying this stuff, nor do I intend to promote it, but I am starting to realize there are a lot of you who are probably going to say "Damn man, just tell me how to make that shit so I can be like all my music and athletic idols!! " Don't do it, this shit is bad for you!!!!

Ok, with that out of the way,  basically it's Codeine Cough Syrup, mixed with Jolly Ranchers and Sprite.

Once I found out what all the fuss was about, I noticed it popping up all over the hip hop music scene, like here:


Gorilla Zoe

And here:

Frayser boy

Here:

Indo G

Can't forget my boys!:

Three 6 Mafia

I love the Megadeath Shirt, facking bricks!

So ususally,  I like to wrap up these things with a nice little life lesson, or a moral of the story type line, to make me look smart and witty, but I really don't have much here. I guess it's sad that a guy's career has to go down the tubes, due to cough syrup, for me to finally answer a question, that was eating me worse than Gilbert Grape. (Get it??? Grape??)

No............... OK, cue Hedo Rick!!!

He reminds me a lot of my buddy the Paikster.

Want to join the greasy old blog party?

See you all next week!

Coming Up On Friday!!

We will be talking about Jamarcus Russell, and his love of Purple Drank, and how him getting busted helped me answer one of my many unanswered questions.

"Thanks Big Guy"

Steve Urkel