Catching Up With Another Old Pal !! The Myles Morrison Edition

So every now and then, I like to get together with people who have done far more with their lives than I have, or ever will! This time I decided to catch up with my pal, Professional Stand Up Comedian Myles Morrison.

(Click the picture to see him in action at the Seattle Comedy Underground)

So how is the Comedy life treating you? It’s pretty good. It's got its up and its downs. If I could compare it to anything, it would probably be most like being a battered wife. It promises great things and then it sucks, things get worse, I call my mom crying, she says I should leave comedy, but it looks like things will get better so I stay with it, haha. 

Actually it’s going really well. I just got back from performing overseas for the NATO soldiers in Kosovo as part of the “Ineligible Bachelors” Comedy Tour. The tour also went to the UK & Germany, so it was a blast getting to perform in places where there’s not a lot to laugh about. The locals aren’t that funny.

So Handsome right? Dreamy even!

Are there any groupies in the Stand up comic industry? If so, what do you guys call them? I would call them Mic Stands, but that's just me.

Yeah for sure there is. Just like hockey players have "pucks", stand-up comedy has groupies too. We just call them “skanks” though. There's no cute term for them that relates to comedy. We just call it how it is. Although, when I say "skanks" I mean that in the most affectionate and pleasant way possible. 

Many of those skanks are very dear to my heart. There's a lot less groupies for comedians than there are for musicians and athletes though. Girls tend to find athletes masculine, and musicians deep and mysterious, but when it comes to comedians I think girls just find them to be hairy & weird, so girls just leave us alone for the most part.

Since this is a sports related blog, and I know you are a big NHL fan, who you got to win the cup this year, and why? I always blindly put my money on the Vancouver Canucks. I wouldn’t feel like a real fan if I didn’t. That said the Penguins have been unreal this year. I think they’ve got the best chance, and they’re so fun to watch. I hope they make it to the finals just for the entertainment factor. I also legitimately think Vancouver could be a dark horse for a cup run. 

That winning streak they were on (before those Godforsaken Rangers put a stop to it) shows how much potential they have this season. Plus they've got by far the coolest Stan Lee NHL All-Star super-hero Guardian by far. Have you seen those things? The Canucks one is like Batman and the rest of them are super gay. Does Stan Lee even know what a Blue Jacket is? And why does the Capitals Guardian have wristbands? He looks like he's ready for a basketball scrub game.

He does look pretty facking bad ass!

So your Canucks are on a bit of a skid right now, what is the craziest thing you would do to guarantee a Stanley Cup for your boys? I am saying, if you did this crazy thing, BAM, Stanley Cup. Naked Bungee jumping. I'm wicked scared of heights so that would be a tough one for me. My girlfriend and I were in Disneyland last October and I had a swearing fit on the Ferris wheel. She was like "settle down, it's just a Ferris wheel" and the kid in the basket above us was like "mommy, what's an f-bomb?". So yeah bungee jumping for sure. I'd do it naked because being naked is awesome.

I have played shinny with you before, and you were pretty good, if you were ever a pro hockey player, what position would you play, and why?

Thanks man, I'd be a backup goalie because I'm super lazy. Plus the pressure is off because usually the other goalie has messed up so bad that they had to pull him, so even if you do get called in, you can pretty much do what you want in net. I'd still shower with the team after the game though just so I could feel more like part of the team.  

This is the guy Myles would want to back! Martin Brodeur has started over 70 games in 11 of his last 13 seasons

Any moves you would like to see made by Vancouver before the trade deadline?

Realistically, It would be nice to have Willie Mitchell back from the Kings. We’re lacking a little in defence, but I think we’ve got a pretty well-rounded team, that’s why I think they’ve got a legitimate chance to make some noise in the playoffs. That said if I could do anything, I’d bring back Scotty Bowman out of retirement to be assistant coach of the Canucks, and have the Pro-Stars cartoons (Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky & Bo Jackson) round out the third line. I’d also trade Bettman back to the NBA so he can stop trying to put hockey teams in the desert.

(Click on the pic of Myles's line 3 for the intro, AWESOME!)

Hilary Duff, and Carrie Underwood are hockey WAGS (sports Wives And Girlfriends), married to Mike Comrie and Mike Fisher respectably, if you were a pro player, who would you want to be your special lady? Rihanna for sure. She's smoking hot, and there's no way I could be a worse boyfriend than Chris Brown.

Anything else you want to throw in?

I want to hear your predictions for this year’s playoffs too Gary! 

Well Myles, I am going to be doing a blog about this a little closer to playoff time, but, you gots to like the Bruins right? They are the best team in the NHL right now, and I love them, so let's go ahead and make them my early pick.

Alright, so where can people see you live and in action?

I’ll be performing regularly at Avacado’s on 8^th St. on Sundays and Beilys on 8^th St. on Mondays, both at 9pm. I’ll be around the next few months, we’ll have to get another shinny game together. Coincidentally, some Canadian Comedians and I are filming a movie called “Sure Shot Dombrowski” in the summer (it’s about a gay hockey player) so watch for that, haha. For anyone interested you can follow me on Twitter @mylesmorrisonsk and watch my clips on my website www.mylesmorrison.com

Thanks for having me.

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Thanks Myles! Look for him coming up soon on the Kyle and Gary's Super Awesome Podcast.

Speak of, what happened on Kyle And Gary's Super Awesome Podcast  this week?

Episode 15 - The Lil’ Pat Spagrud

New Listener of the week Will Stuart asks about Back to the Future, WWF wrestling, and athletes not being able to control their wangs..............Another guy watching golf on the TV, gets a PGA Tour Pro DQ'd.........  What would you get customized on the back of your Hockey sweater?..........  Halftime Lap Dances at Lacrosse game? I think I like Lacrosse now......... What was your favorite video game of 2010?........... Mom loses 6 kids over game addiction.. C'mon Man!......... Tiger Woods finally gets Naked Girls in his golf game......... Peyton Manning, Fantasy Football and Unicorns Oh My!!!............. Sports fans are all a bunch of Drunks!!.......... Would you buy photos of Tennis players getting lap dances and menstruating?...... I know, gross right?.......  NBA Live, inspires a man to break the record for most threes taken in a game..................... Crushed up deer antler steroid spray, not illegal??................. AND Candy Deepthroat is back! Everyone's favorite Twitter call girl....

Show Links:

My Buddy Scott's Video Game Radio Show, very nice.

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So, until next week,  Trojan Horse says "I like that Myles Guy, he's funny, so funny he made my voice a little hoarse.... from laughing so much!" Brutal Trojan Horse, brutal. See ya'll next week.

Karma Made The Patriots Her Bitch

Oh karma, just like Tron says about the Mac, you can be a cruel mistress. There have been a lot of instances with her in the sports world over the years, especially over this last couple of weeks. First there was King Lebron James, tweeting about his former team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, after they got pumped by the Lakers "Crazy. Karma is a bitch.. gets you every time. It's not good to wish bad upon anybody. God sees everything."

Tron telling Terry and Deaner about "The Mac"

After Lebron dropped that sweet tweet, the very next game he played, he rolled his ankle, and the game he missed, his heat lost. So was this a coincidence, or karma? I am not willing to go one way or the other, but I have always been a firm believer in the karma gods, kind of like Earl, from the show My Name Is Earl.

Lebron, doing his Lebron impression

I don't really care for Lebron one way or the other, but his example of how not to be humble, makes a great segway to what I am really here to talk about, a certain football team, led by a certain golden boy, and his smug, cheating coach.

The New England Patriots were eliminated from the NFL playoffs on Sunday, and I can't help but think that this was Karma doing her thing once again. Now before you start freaking out, saying "But Gary, the Jet's were bad mouthing and talking smack and being very bad karma-esque" hear me out.

The only reason the Jets are the way they are, is because they are a team that takes in troubled players, that are full of talent, but have been let go by other teams because of some bad choices, think of them as the Cincinnati Bengals, but good.

All these egos have made for a team full of show boaters and guys out to prove that they belong, my kind of guys! The Patriots do the exact same thing, except they do it cowardly, like a bunch of smug "We are better then everyone else, so we don't need to play by your rules" rich boy spoiled dinks!

"Check out my sweet sleeves, oh wait a minute, I don't have any, Man I am soooo cool!"

They of course are led by Bill Bellichek, the league's most hated head coach who constantly does things that make you want to punch him in the balls, things like: cheating on his wife, cheating in football, and probably cheating at anything else he can find.

I was so happy to see his fake punt at the end of the first half come back to haunt him. I like to think that was karma saying "You know what Billy boy, it's time that you paid the price for all your greasy, no one can touch me, I am the man, I will run up the score, I will go for it on fourth down, I will do what ever I want because I am awesome, can't you tell by my sweet sleeveless bunny hug, I don't care about nothing ways!"..... What? Was that a little much?

Then there's Tom Brady, I would like to think karma said to him "You know what Tommy Boy, you got your super model wife,  you got your money, and you got your super bowls, you have far more than anyone on this Jet's team has, so you arn't going to play well today, and this is mostly because you stole Drew Bledsoe's job/career."

So what the heck did we learn from all this Patriot bashing?? We learned that this Jet's team is special, in the way that they have done nothing but back their smack talk, since they started smack talking. They have called out everyone, who spent years calling them out, be it because of their off field troubles, or the teams they were on, weren't winning, these guys all have haters, that they are trying to prove wrong, and that's why this team is going to win the Super Bowl.

So, what happened on Kyle And Gary's Super Awesome Podcast  this week you ask?

Episode 14 - The Theo Fleury

- In this weeks episode.... MJ thinks girl faints at the sight of him, sorry MJ, that was just me........ Griffey baseball card catches crooks.... Japan's top Street FIghter changes in game fighter from Ryu to who????......... He Man game is taking ideas on how to make the game, you got one?..... Warcraft Porn video game?? Bonecraft? Really?...... Tail gating gone wild.......  Bimbo sponsors and MLS soccer team........... Swedish Orgy Blackmail in the Premier League? OK...................... Trash talk from the NFL Playoffs, you like?........ Japan sex hotels now carry video game systems....... Women has sex with 13 year old boy, after meeting on the X-box...... 15 thousand dollar Zelda dishware?....... Donkey Kong record falls again, time for a showdown, and let's settle this once and for all.


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So, until next week,  Trojan Horse says "Go Jets!!" As always, have a great week.

I Don't Like Russian Hockey............ Do I???

I have got to say, I sort of like the Russians. Now before all two of the people who read this (thanks for the love Ryan and Jason Mazzei) start losing their shit, please, let me explain. Ever since I was a kid, I was taught to hate the Russians, from the 72 Summit series, to the constant flow of Russian NHL players diving more than Mary Ellen Clark, (don't know who she is, click the picture) but I have to say, they are starting to grow on me.

Thoughts of Alexei Kovalev come to mind when I think of a good example of  Russian diving. Who could ever forget this beauty: (Click him for the vid)

I don't know if you heard about this yet, but the Russians were kicked off their plane for being to drunk after their 5 to 3 gold medal victory over Canada at the World Juniors last week. How awesome is that??

After I heard about this, I said to myself "Gary, I think you might like the Russians." Then I followed that with "You drank too much Vodka again big guy, what ever you do, DON'T call any girls, and DON'T eat the three month old hamburger helper in the fridge!"

Looking to delve deeper into this recently discovered "New Me",  I sent an early copy  to the Maestro of Bloganomics to help me figure out what was wrong with me, and sure enough, he sends me back a message saying that he loves the Russians, and this video: (Click the pic!)

And now I gots to say, I sort of think I like Alexei Kovalev.... what is wrong with me.

Then I see this: (Do I really need to tell you to click the pic, you know to do that right?)

Go to the 1:43 mark.......... It's official, I like Kovalev, anyone that moonwalks on ice, is my kind of guy.

I have now learned two things, I sort of like the Russians, and I do like Alexei Kovalev. Then I learned another stunning fact from my boy the Maestro, and I quote "Here is a stat for you.  the year before the lockout there were 60 NHL skaters that hailed from Russia, not including players from territories or new countries no longer part of the USSR.  Like Kazakhstan."

The Maestro continues...

"This year merely 24 have played at least on game so far this year. With the emergence of the KHL (and who knows the true state of that league)  we don't get the mix of talent or player types anymore.  The highly skilled Russians come over and are expected to make a top 6 forward like impact or they don't stick around for many years."

Isn't that crazy? Only 24 Russians in the show right now, that's not even enough for one team.

So, what did we learn today Ryan and Jason?  I guess if we learned anything, it's that the Russians are leaving the NHL, and the old me would have been OK with that, but the new me is a little bit sad, and as for my hatred for Russian hockey, Mr Lahey was wrong.... A shit Leopard CAN change it's spots. (Click Ol' Jimmy)

So, what happened on Kyle And Gary's Super Awesome Podcast  this week you ask?

Episode 13 - The Dan Marino

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- In this episode...... Our new listener of the week Jeff Thiessen asks the panel "How about Robbie Alomar giving people Aids?" ......... Camilo Vilegas gets screwed over, by a fan, watching on tv, and calling it in........... Drunk Russians are the best Russians........ NFL Playoff Expansion?.......The greatest license plate of all time is being reprimanded..... Golden radio bum gets job, how long will this last?........ Hold on a sc, Ben Cocklessberger can get married after raping girls in bathrooms all across America, but Mick Vick can't have a dog???? C'mon man! ......The World Galaga Record has fallen, and not by Kyle or Gary

- Blake Griffen will save the slam dunk comp!..The NFL has signed a deal to keep Monday Night Football around until 2023, for the low low price of 2 BILLION dollars per year...... Where will Vince Young end up?.... Douche bag wants to be douchey, will you douche with him?...... A new He-Man Video Game?????? Let's facking hope so......Grandma stole some crab meat and some Wii Games

All that plus NFL picks, NHL hockey talk and much, much more!!!!

So, until next week,  Trojan Horse says "I love Russian women!" Me too Trojan Horse....... me too.