My Interview With One Of The Vancouver Green Men

So I have to say that this is probably the best interview I have ever done. The man's name is Sully, and all I can really say is....... enjoy! 

G - How did all this "Green Man" business get started?

S - Well we were supposed to hit a Seahawks game and my suit came in the mail a day late. I was very pleased by this because I had paid double for shipping! None the less, we had tickets to a Nucks game a few days later and thought why not. The rest is history.

The infamous handstand!!

With the infamous boob flashing aimed at the Shark's Ben Eager, do you feel like you guys need to up the anti? Those were some magnificent taters.

I've never heard a lady's breasts referred to as "taters" but I like the phrase. We brought a bra and a sign saying "someone left this in our seats last game" and that got the crowd going. Dude, who are we kidding, how are two guys in spandex going to one-up a girls "taters"? It'd be impossible.

A quick workout!

 I imagine it gets pretty hot in those suits, how sweaty does your junk get?

 I'm proud to announce my goods stay cool and climatized. My suit has never been to the repair shop and has quite a few miles on it. There's a convenient slight tear on the lower portion that allows me to breath.

How do you keep a straight face with that going on?

Do you guys have any special plans for the Cup Final?

Sorry...can't let the cat out of the bag my friend.

Do you think Don Cherry should leave you the guys the hell alone, or do you sort of understand where he is coming from?

We tried to be upset but come on its Don Cherry. We can't be upset with a legend. This guys been on my TV set for years and practically helped raise me to hate visors and divers. Don is a hockey god and we are honored any time he mentions us. However, I think if and when the Canucks can pull this off *knock on wood*, Donny should rock a green suit for the celebration.

Lego my Eggo bitch!

Do you guys "stuff" at all? I know if that was me, I would be stuffing like full grown zucchini or something like that.

Force uses a broken 9 iron and I have a 8.5 lb dumbbell in there.

Is there anything else you would like to add?

In closing I just want to add its always been my personal goal of mine to land a role opposite Tom Selleck in Mr. Baseball 2. So if anyone knows a good acting agent or perhaps Tom's valet or something please let me know. Thanks and Go Canucks Go!

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See? I told it was hilarious. Thanks again to Sully for doing this. Great job.

Episode 30 of the Podcast is going to be a huge celebration. It will be posted on Tuesday, be sure to have a listen.

I want to send out a special congrats to the 2011 Mangler Cup Champions, Evan Olsen and Steve Garner, great job fellas, we will see you in the final next year. Super special shout out to Vance Booth for being so awesome, I love you Vance, you will always be my MVP.

If you want to join the blog party, feel free to do so by clicking on the beautiful piece of Man Meat here:

So, until next week,  Trojan Horse says "Those Green Men are pretty hilarious!" See ya'll next week.

Another Lazy Blog, That Will Hopefully Make You Laugh!

So it's the time of the week again, I have five minutes to write a "Thoughts of the Week" blog. If I don't finish writing this blog in the allotted five minutes, I will buy everyone who reads this an over priced beer at Boston Pizza! Deal? Deal. As the great big John McCarthy would say "Let's get it on!!"

Big John getting the blog party started!

 Start the clock please.

- Tiger Woods pulled out of The Players Championship after only 9 holes!! He shot a 42 over those 9 holes, so something is really wrong with the lady killer. I thought once he was back on the whores, everything would be fine, but I guess I was wrong. This could be really bad for the PGA........ and no, I refuse to make a joke about the term pulled out that I used at the start of this paragraph, that's just crude, and my mom reads this!

Tiger, back when he could still golf, poor guy. I miss this Tiger

- The Toronto Blue Jays look to be back on track! Thank goodness. They finished off a mini sweep of the Boston Red Sox with a 9 to 3 shellacking on Wednesday night. Only 75 more wins to go before my prediction of a Wildcard finish is a reality! If they want to get there, get rid of Edwin "E-5" Encarnacion, call up Lawrie, and everyone STOP getting injured, that should do it.

Fuck you Edwin, get the hell off my team! You suck.....Jackass!

- Is it too early to start the Jose Bautista for MVP talk? I hate to say Atotasoe, but A fucking Totasoe!

Time Check: 1:54 - A little long, but not bad, moving along!

- I was on the Richard Brown Show on Newstalk Radio a couple of times over the last couple of weeks, talking about the NHL playoffs, and making some picks with The Regina Leader Post's Rob Vanstone. First off, I love the Van Man, he is god's gift to not only media, but the world! Second, I am terrible at making picks, he is roasting me, but like my boy Pistol Pete always tells me, I am a slave to the odds!

- I will be on the Richard Brown show again tonight, at 5:35 pm, on Newstalk 650. So if you want to hear me sound like an idiot, tune in! I am always good for a laugh or two, and never on purpose. This will hopefully be turned into a weekly gig, so that would be sweet. Looks like the Podcast is starting to pay off!

That's me with Endo's old dog Marley! She was awesome! We look cute together don't we!

Time Check - 2:45 - That's more like it!

- I fucking LOVE the Heat. My boy Lebron and company finished off the Celtics on Wednesday night. That was no doubt their biggest obstacle. The Bulls shouldn't give them much trouble. Now we can all enjoy watching them cruise to the NBA title, and I truly think they deserve it. After all the shit they have been through, good for them.

-  I am very happy for Chris Bosh. I loved him as a Raptor, and I love him now, not because of the way he plays, but because of how hilarious the guy is! Always makes me laugh, and that will get you in my good books!

I love Bosh, he is really funny, so stop being so mean to him!

- I know this is a little late, but I am VERY happy with my boy Patrick Peterson getting drafted by my beloved Arizona Cardinals! With him lining up across from my boy Dominique Rogers-Cromartie, the Cards defence just got a LOT better, not to mention the return game. What's that? There isn't going to be an NFL season? I ment the Cards will be a LOT better on Madden 12 this year.

- The Rhinos are 1 and 0, thanks to two old, sexy dudes! My man Donnie threw a complete game, while my other main man Armand hit the walk off single to win in the bottom of the seventh. Biggest story of the game though, was me chewing over half a tin of Skoal Citrus. What? It tastes like candy! That's not gross is it?

Time Check - 3:50 - Oh man, I still got some time to kill! What to talk about, what to talk about......... OH! I know! How about a list of a couple of commercials that I can't stand right now:

- The Boston Pizza wing guy! He is a huge loser, using stupid made up terms for wings, that just genuinely are NOT funny! Get rid of the wing guy BP's! Until then, I will NOT be buying over priced food and drink from you, thank you very much.

Don't you look at me with that stupid face! You are NOT funny! So frig off already!

- Dos Equis Most interesting man in the world! Give it up, you arn't interesting, you were the first time I saw you, then you were constantly rammed down my throat, with out my consent! That shit doesn't fly man. Get the fuck off my screen, at least come up with some funny lines? "He bowls overhand" OH WOW!! Guess what fucker, so do I, the difference is I actually REALLY do bowl overhand. You can check the roof at Eastview Bowl for proof, does that make me interesting, I don't think so.

Time Check - 4:59 - Whew! That was close, I almost had to buy my mom an over priced beer from BP's, and that would be really hard since I am boycotting them big time right now.

So there you go, another easy, lazy blog, You're welcome internets!

A quick CONGRATULATIONS to my good pals Chris and Nav who won some competition about inventing stuff and the such! I am proud of you guys, and I love you.

Again, I will be on the air tonight at 5:35 pm on Newstalk 650, so have a listen if you enjoy listening to people embarrass themselves.

This weeks podcast was pretty funny, Big C was on, and we talked about Tetris Tampons! Check it out here: http://kyleandgary.podbean.com
If you like video games, check out my buddy Scott's podcast! You can get to it here:

http://thebonusround.podomatic.com/

It's pretty freaking awesome!

If you want to join the blog party, feel free to do so by clicking on the beautiful piece of Man Meat here:

So, until next week,  Trojan Horse says "Gary, you are sooooooo LAZY!" See ya'll next week.

Catching Up With Another Old Pal !! The Myles Morrison Edition

So every now and then, I like to get together with people who have done far more with their lives than I have, or ever will! This time I decided to catch up with my pal, Professional Stand Up Comedian Myles Morrison.

(Click the picture to see him in action at the Seattle Comedy Underground)

So how is the Comedy life treating you? It’s pretty good. It's got its up and its downs. If I could compare it to anything, it would probably be most like being a battered wife. It promises great things and then it sucks, things get worse, I call my mom crying, she says I should leave comedy, but it looks like things will get better so I stay with it, haha. 

Actually it’s going really well. I just got back from performing overseas for the NATO soldiers in Kosovo as part of the “Ineligible Bachelors” Comedy Tour. The tour also went to the UK & Germany, so it was a blast getting to perform in places where there’s not a lot to laugh about. The locals aren’t that funny.

So Handsome right? Dreamy even!

Are there any groupies in the Stand up comic industry? If so, what do you guys call them? I would call them Mic Stands, but that's just me.

Yeah for sure there is. Just like hockey players have "pucks", stand-up comedy has groupies too. We just call them “skanks” though. There's no cute term for them that relates to comedy. We just call it how it is. Although, when I say "skanks" I mean that in the most affectionate and pleasant way possible. 

Many of those skanks are very dear to my heart. There's a lot less groupies for comedians than there are for musicians and athletes though. Girls tend to find athletes masculine, and musicians deep and mysterious, but when it comes to comedians I think girls just find them to be hairy & weird, so girls just leave us alone for the most part.

Since this is a sports related blog, and I know you are a big NHL fan, who you got to win the cup this year, and why? I always blindly put my money on the Vancouver Canucks. I wouldn’t feel like a real fan if I didn’t. That said the Penguins have been unreal this year. I think they’ve got the best chance, and they’re so fun to watch. I hope they make it to the finals just for the entertainment factor. I also legitimately think Vancouver could be a dark horse for a cup run. 

That winning streak they were on (before those Godforsaken Rangers put a stop to it) shows how much potential they have this season. Plus they've got by far the coolest Stan Lee NHL All-Star super-hero Guardian by far. Have you seen those things? The Canucks one is like Batman and the rest of them are super gay. Does Stan Lee even know what a Blue Jacket is? And why does the Capitals Guardian have wristbands? He looks like he's ready for a basketball scrub game.

He does look pretty facking bad ass!

So your Canucks are on a bit of a skid right now, what is the craziest thing you would do to guarantee a Stanley Cup for your boys? I am saying, if you did this crazy thing, BAM, Stanley Cup. Naked Bungee jumping. I'm wicked scared of heights so that would be a tough one for me. My girlfriend and I were in Disneyland last October and I had a swearing fit on the Ferris wheel. She was like "settle down, it's just a Ferris wheel" and the kid in the basket above us was like "mommy, what's an f-bomb?". So yeah bungee jumping for sure. I'd do it naked because being naked is awesome.

I have played shinny with you before, and you were pretty good, if you were ever a pro hockey player, what position would you play, and why?

Thanks man, I'd be a backup goalie because I'm super lazy. Plus the pressure is off because usually the other goalie has messed up so bad that they had to pull him, so even if you do get called in, you can pretty much do what you want in net. I'd still shower with the team after the game though just so I could feel more like part of the team.  

This is the guy Myles would want to back! Martin Brodeur has started over 70 games in 11 of his last 13 seasons

Any moves you would like to see made by Vancouver before the trade deadline?

Realistically, It would be nice to have Willie Mitchell back from the Kings. We’re lacking a little in defence, but I think we’ve got a pretty well-rounded team, that’s why I think they’ve got a legitimate chance to make some noise in the playoffs. That said if I could do anything, I’d bring back Scotty Bowman out of retirement to be assistant coach of the Canucks, and have the Pro-Stars cartoons (Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky & Bo Jackson) round out the third line. I’d also trade Bettman back to the NBA so he can stop trying to put hockey teams in the desert.

(Click on the pic of Myles's line 3 for the intro, AWESOME!)

Hilary Duff, and Carrie Underwood are hockey WAGS (sports Wives And Girlfriends), married to Mike Comrie and Mike Fisher respectably, if you were a pro player, who would you want to be your special lady? Rihanna for sure. She's smoking hot, and there's no way I could be a worse boyfriend than Chris Brown.

Anything else you want to throw in?

I want to hear your predictions for this year’s playoffs too Gary! 

Well Myles, I am going to be doing a blog about this a little closer to playoff time, but, you gots to like the Bruins right? They are the best team in the NHL right now, and I love them, so let's go ahead and make them my early pick.

Alright, so where can people see you live and in action?

I’ll be performing regularly at Avacado’s on 8^th St. on Sundays and Beilys on 8^th St. on Mondays, both at 9pm. I’ll be around the next few months, we’ll have to get another shinny game together. Coincidentally, some Canadian Comedians and I are filming a movie called “Sure Shot Dombrowski” in the summer (it’s about a gay hockey player) so watch for that, haha. For anyone interested you can follow me on Twitter @mylesmorrisonsk and watch my clips on my website www.mylesmorrison.com

Thanks for having me.

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Thanks Myles! Look for him coming up soon on the Kyle and Gary's Super Awesome Podcast.

Speak of, what happened on Kyle And Gary's Super Awesome Podcast  this week?

Episode 15 - The Lil’ Pat Spagrud

New Listener of the week Will Stuart asks about Back to the Future, WWF wrestling, and athletes not being able to control their wangs..............Another guy watching golf on the TV, gets a PGA Tour Pro DQ'd.........  What would you get customized on the back of your Hockey sweater?..........  Halftime Lap Dances at Lacrosse game? I think I like Lacrosse now......... What was your favorite video game of 2010?........... Mom loses 6 kids over game addiction.. C'mon Man!......... Tiger Woods finally gets Naked Girls in his golf game......... Peyton Manning, Fantasy Football and Unicorns Oh My!!!............. Sports fans are all a bunch of Drunks!!.......... Would you buy photos of Tennis players getting lap dances and menstruating?...... I know, gross right?.......  NBA Live, inspires a man to break the record for most threes taken in a game..................... Crushed up deer antler steroid spray, not illegal??................. AND Candy Deepthroat is back! Everyone's favorite Twitter call girl....

Show Links:

My Buddy Scott's Video Game Radio Show, very nice.

http://thebonusround.podomatic.com/

This is where we are listed:

If you want to join the blog party, feel free to do so by clicking on the beautiful piece of Man Meat here:

So, until next week,  Trojan Horse says "I like that Myles Guy, he's funny, so funny he made my voice a little hoarse.... from laughing so much!" Brutal Trojan Horse, brutal. See ya'll next week.